Most of us know what a sniper is: a highly skilled rifleman who specializes in single shot kills at sometimes incredible distances. This became part of our attention in 2012 when Chris Kyle, the top American sniper, was killed at a gun range by someone he was trying to help. Before his death, Kyle wrote a book about his accomplishments, “American Sniper”, which has been on the Best Seller list and later into a movie. While we are all familiar with this definition of sniper, it is not the only one.
The root word, of course, is snipe and one meaning is to act as a sniper. Another meaning has nothing to do with the exercise of marksmanship. A snipe is also a long-billed marsh bird. Many naïve people have been lured into “snipe hunts”, running around in the dark at the mercy of their friends trying to find and catch one of these birds. The typical snipe hunt involves making the hapless victim look foolish and it is usually quite successful.
A much lesser known definition of a sniper is a person who takes verbal shots at people with the intent to hurt them, embarrass them, or insult them in such a way as to make feel less about themselves, and in the eyes of others. We have all been victims of this at one time or another and many of us have been the sniper. A spur of the moment wisecrack, not done intentionally, can certainly hurt the intended victim. It is not that which I am addressing. The sniping which I am discussing is that which is intentional, frequent, and malicious. They’re just little zingers thrown out with the intent to hurt. It may be done privately or publicly. In either case, it is not an innocent remark or criticism.
Imagine the husband who, in front of family or friends, makes a cutting comment about his wife’s weight, the way she keeps house, her penchant for always running behind time. Not only does this embarrass his wife, but also everyone else in the room. He doesn’t realize it, but it lowers his esteem, the opinion that others have of him. Or perhaps it is the wife who goes after her husband on similar issues such as weight, tardiness, his inability to make enough money, at least in her opinion, or any of a variety of issues. Such remarks, whether delivered around others or in private, cannot help but chip away at the walls of a marriage. It is simply a matter of time before one of those walls falls. Like any other fortress, once a wall crumbles under such a verbal attack, the Enemy has a chance to enter and continue the destruction of the marriage.
Perhaps I have just described you, either as the sniper or the victim. If the former, what are you getting out of your actions? What pleasure does this bring to you to intentionally attack the one person in the world you are supposed to love the most? Is this the marriage that Jesus intended you to have? When God lead you to this person, the one with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life, the one you promised to love and cherish, is this the guidance He gave? If you are the sniper, then it is time to change the way you are treating your spouse. It may take a lot of God’s help, pastoral counseling, and time on your knees to change. The Bible tells us that husbands are supposed to love their wives. Does this type of treatment really reflect that love? It also says that wives are supposed be submissive to their husbands, with the real meaning being they should support their husbands. Does treating him this way show support?
If, instead, you are the victim, you have a tough decision to make: put up with it or try to change it or leave. Most of the time the victim-spouse chooses the first option, willing to put up with it for the sake of the marriage, whether there are children or not. The rationalization is that the rest of the marriage is worth the pain of the sniping. Trying to change it requires taking a risk that your efforts may further damage the marriage or even end it. Or, it could lead to the resurrection of the marriage and put it on the road to being the wonderful and healthy marriage that God meant it to be. That effort, whether through professional counseling, pastoral counseling or prayerful confrontation and communication, will be difficult, at times painful, but well worth it in the end.
If you are the sniper, then seek God’s help to stop shooting. If the victim, then seek God’s help to stop being the target. In the end, either way, you will need God’s grace and your resolution to turn destructive behavior into success. It is under your control.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Sunday, February 22, 2015
I Forgive...Me
Once upon a time (no, this isn’t a fairy tale), a long time ago, there was a guy who worked for me whom I will call Mike. We talked occasionally about things like where we were from and where we had been, what we liked to do. Guy things. One day, Mike told me he was an alcoholic. Over a period of time, he gradually revealed parts of his story. He said he had been sober for over four years. He said he had a great sponsor, and went to AA meetings on a regular basis. He said he drank for well over 10 years and no one outside of his family suspected he had a drinking problem. He “knew” he didn’t have a drinking problem; he just liked to drink and thought nothing of the fact that he poured himself into bed every night. His wife nagged at him to stop or slow down and he ignored her. What he didn’t know was other people were aware that he liked to drink and some began to suspect there was a problem. He told me it all came to a head one evening when his family and friends ganged up on him for an intervention. He said it was pretty ugly, but after a lot of angry words and loud voices, he agreed to go into a treatment program just to get them off of his back so he could get back to drinking. He “knew” the treatment program would prove to them that he didn’t have a problem.
During the treatment, he finally admitted he was an alcoholic and began the 12 Step Program that is a part of AA. He said it took a while and he managed to work through some of the steps only with the help of his sponsor. He said one of the toughest was asking forgiveness from all of the people he had hurt during the years he was drinking, even his young kids. He said that part of it, asking his kids for forgiveness, “ripped his heart out”.
Even though he remained sober, attended the AA meetings, and worked with his sponsor, he said he still felt there was something missing, something that wasn’t quite right. He said he had been very upbeat and outgoing when he was drinking, but now he felt there was something wrong. He said he was a Christian, went to church regularly with his family, and stayed sober. He told me that the last part was really tough sometimes and there were many nights when he called his sponsor in the middle of the night to keep from starting back down the path back to alcohol. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong, what had changed that left him feeling down and, most importantly, feeling down about himself. One day his sponsor asked him about different Steps and how well he had done with them, in particular getting forgiveness from everyone. He said he had done that, and he knew God had also forgiven him. Then the sponsor asked him the key question. He asked Mike if he had really forgiven himself. He said it was like being shot right in the heart. He told his sponsor that he had not and could not forgive himself for what he had done to his family, friends, and others. The sponsor then asked what he was getting out of it. What was he getting out of not forgiving himself? He said he realized he was having a perpetual guilt party and the guilt was as addictive as the alcohol he used to drink. He said, “Dan, I forgave me.” He said once he did that he felt an enormous weight come off of his chest. He felt a freedom that even being sober up to that time had not given him. He said that since God forgave him, his sponsor told him he was, in effect, placing himself above God. He realized at that point that Satan had been tempting him and keeping him in that mindset.
About a year later, Mike and I went to different assignments and I never saw him or talked to him again.
How about you? We all do things from time to time that offend God and others. We ask those we have hurt or offended for forgiveness and we know, as Christians, that God forgives us. How do you feel about yourself? Are the things you have done, the ones that have been forgiven still weighing you down? Look deep inside yourself and see if Mike’s problem is also yours. Is the devil keeping you in aguilt party? Remember that the devil’s temptation of Eve was that the forbidden fruit would make her at the same level as God, or even greater. By convincing you that you can’t forgive yourself, he is doing the same to you. He is telling you that you are superior to God and that you can’t do what God has already done. If that is where you find yourself, then it is time to break out of that trap and tell yourself, “I forgive…me!”
During the treatment, he finally admitted he was an alcoholic and began the 12 Step Program that is a part of AA. He said it took a while and he managed to work through some of the steps only with the help of his sponsor. He said one of the toughest was asking forgiveness from all of the people he had hurt during the years he was drinking, even his young kids. He said that part of it, asking his kids for forgiveness, “ripped his heart out”.
Even though he remained sober, attended the AA meetings, and worked with his sponsor, he said he still felt there was something missing, something that wasn’t quite right. He said he had been very upbeat and outgoing when he was drinking, but now he felt there was something wrong. He said he was a Christian, went to church regularly with his family, and stayed sober. He told me that the last part was really tough sometimes and there were many nights when he called his sponsor in the middle of the night to keep from starting back down the path back to alcohol. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong, what had changed that left him feeling down and, most importantly, feeling down about himself. One day his sponsor asked him about different Steps and how well he had done with them, in particular getting forgiveness from everyone. He said he had done that, and he knew God had also forgiven him. Then the sponsor asked him the key question. He asked Mike if he had really forgiven himself. He said it was like being shot right in the heart. He told his sponsor that he had not and could not forgive himself for what he had done to his family, friends, and others. The sponsor then asked what he was getting out of it. What was he getting out of not forgiving himself? He said he realized he was having a perpetual guilt party and the guilt was as addictive as the alcohol he used to drink. He said, “Dan, I forgave me.” He said once he did that he felt an enormous weight come off of his chest. He felt a freedom that even being sober up to that time had not given him. He said that since God forgave him, his sponsor told him he was, in effect, placing himself above God. He realized at that point that Satan had been tempting him and keeping him in that mindset.
About a year later, Mike and I went to different assignments and I never saw him or talked to him again.
How about you? We all do things from time to time that offend God and others. We ask those we have hurt or offended for forgiveness and we know, as Christians, that God forgives us. How do you feel about yourself? Are the things you have done, the ones that have been forgiven still weighing you down? Look deep inside yourself and see if Mike’s problem is also yours. Is the devil keeping you in aguilt party? Remember that the devil’s temptation of Eve was that the forbidden fruit would make her at the same level as God, or even greater. By convincing you that you can’t forgive yourself, he is doing the same to you. He is telling you that you are superior to God and that you can’t do what God has already done. If that is where you find yourself, then it is time to break out of that trap and tell yourself, “I forgive…me!”
Friday, February 20, 2015
ENGAGE!
Isn’t it nice that you have reached a point in your life where you know what you are doing? Your plans were well laid and are on track. You have your five-year plan, your 20-year plan, and all is well. You have reached your current career goals and are definitely headed in the right direction in order to achieve the next set. So, what is this little nagging thought that occasionally surfaces in your mind? Just the slightest hint of disquiet comes at the random time. “Is this what I really want to be doing?” You are supposed to answer with a hearty “yes”, so you do every time. Maybe the cost is a bit more than you bargained for in the beginning, but the rewards are worth it, right? Great, I am glad you think so, and I am happy for you. That presumes that what you say is actually the truth.
Down through the years, I have heard and read stories of men and women you made radical changes in their lives. There are tales of them giving up the big office, the impressive title, the six-figure income and doing something totally different and unexpected. Sometimes the motive is taking time to enjoy life more, to escape the constant running after those big rewards and slowing to a walk to take a look at something else. One example that comes to mind is an executive who had it all: the corner office, the big salary, all of the perks that went with that kind of job, and the esteem of all of the people with whom he worked. One day, he decided to change. He gave up his job and all of its rewards and decided to become an opera singer. He had been singing for years, taking lessons as the mood struck, but now he went after that new dream with the same enthusiasm he had used to get to the top of the corporate tower. He eventually joined a small opera company which gave local performances. He said he was far happier than when he was the big executive, and he found he really didn’t miss the big money and perks as much as he feared he might.
If you are fortunate enough to have found your proper niche in life, that you are in the right place and it is the right time, then congratulations! I am truly happy for you. If, on the other hand, there is a slight persistent itch that you just can’t quite scratch right, something that comes and goes, then maybe there is something else out there calling you. There is a book titled, “God Isn’t Finished With Me Yet.” Maybe that is your itch. What if all of your living up to now has been just a preparation for something else, a something else that God has planned for you all along? If you think you don’t have the education, get it. If you don’t know enough about it, then satisfy your curiosity and search the Internet, ask those who do have the information you seek, and ask God just what the heck He wants you to do. On the other hand, maybe you should take a risk and leap out on faith, trusting God to guide you and protect you.
If you are a fan of the various Star Trek series and movies, then you know how it goes. To paraphrase the orders: “Boldly go where you have never been before, and do what you have never done”. Seek out God and find the direction He wishes you to take. When you are ready, when your spiritual and natural energies are ready for the journey, when you are ready to leap out in faith, then take command and speak those powerful words:
ENGAGE!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
A Wing And A Prayer
In 1943, during World War Two, there was a song that rose to the top of the popularity charts called, “A Wind and A Prayer.” It was later featured in a hit movie in 1944. The song was about a twin-engine bomber that was returning from a mission with severe battle damage, including the loss of an engine. While such a song being a #1 hit may sound strange to us today, the times were different and the country was eager to support patriotic songs. If you want to see the words, they are out there on the Internet.
As you may have guessed from the title, the song is about a crew in a desperate situation, one which could cost them their lives if the plane did not make it back to its base, and the best hope, beyond the skills and knowledge of the pilots, was to place their faith in God to help them return. Since the song was a hit, it is obvious that they did exactly that.
How about us? Life is not always what we plan it to be. Along the way, there are many forks in the road and each one we choose has a direct impact on our future life. Equally important, each fork we don’t choose also has an impact. Our set of forks may be which college to attend, which career to follow, and which person to date and, perhaps, marry. The means we use for our choices may be as whimsical as flipping a coin, for real or at least mentally. It may relate to our own interests or following a family tradition, or rejecting one. Each fork leads to its own path and that path can stretch out for a long time.
Did you make a good decision or a bad one? Did your path seem to start out in one direction and then veer elsewhere? Taking one fork may simply lead to a path with other forks further out in time. How do you know which one to take? Is there one method that is better than the rest? Perhaps you used advice from family or friends. Maybe you admired a certain teacher and decided to follow that path. Did you just take a look at the choices and follow a “gut instinct?” How did your choices pan out for you? Good? Bad? Still unknown?
If your choice was the right one, did you pat yourself on the back, at least mentally? Did you stop for a moment and see that perhaps you had spiritual guidance from God that helped you or guided you into the right path? Not many of us remember to do that latter, to thank God for His help, even if we remembered to ask for it. There are times we don’t think to ask but God, out of His love for us, steps in anyway.
What do you do if it is the wrong choice and you are stuck with it? It doesn’t matter whether it is a job, a relationship, a marriage, or something else, the bottom line is a situation with disaster written all over it and you aren’t sure what is going to happen. Are you going to crash and burn? Maybe you can’t see a way out, but God can. When all else is going wrong, and a negative ending seems inevitable, asking God for His help should not be the last resort, but if often is. That is when God can reach out a hand and hold you up, guide you to a better place, so that you do have a safer ending, and stand by to help you figure out the next fork and the direction you should take.
The 1943 hit song was about a plane and crew surviving with the hand of God helping them. How about you? Do ask for His help up front or do you just wait until you have a problem or are in trouble to ask God for His help? God is always there for you, to hold you up in the dark times and help you make the right choices, to choose the correct fork in the road, during the better times. Always remember that
God is your eternal partner, always there, whether bidden or unbidden. Lift up your problems and your victories to Him. Call on Him in time of need and allow Him to guide you to a safe destination and a safe landing.
What do you do in these times? Do you just wing it? Whether it is large or small, you have to make a career decision. Are you going to “wing” it and hope for the best, or are you going to add a second wing, a second engine, God’s help, so you can fly to the right path and the best destination?
As you may have guessed from the title, the song is about a crew in a desperate situation, one which could cost them their lives if the plane did not make it back to its base, and the best hope, beyond the skills and knowledge of the pilots, was to place their faith in God to help them return. Since the song was a hit, it is obvious that they did exactly that.
How about us? Life is not always what we plan it to be. Along the way, there are many forks in the road and each one we choose has a direct impact on our future life. Equally important, each fork we don’t choose also has an impact. Our set of forks may be which college to attend, which career to follow, and which person to date and, perhaps, marry. The means we use for our choices may be as whimsical as flipping a coin, for real or at least mentally. It may relate to our own interests or following a family tradition, or rejecting one. Each fork leads to its own path and that path can stretch out for a long time.
Did you make a good decision or a bad one? Did your path seem to start out in one direction and then veer elsewhere? Taking one fork may simply lead to a path with other forks further out in time. How do you know which one to take? Is there one method that is better than the rest? Perhaps you used advice from family or friends. Maybe you admired a certain teacher and decided to follow that path. Did you just take a look at the choices and follow a “gut instinct?” How did your choices pan out for you? Good? Bad? Still unknown?
If your choice was the right one, did you pat yourself on the back, at least mentally? Did you stop for a moment and see that perhaps you had spiritual guidance from God that helped you or guided you into the right path? Not many of us remember to do that latter, to thank God for His help, even if we remembered to ask for it. There are times we don’t think to ask but God, out of His love for us, steps in anyway.
What do you do if it is the wrong choice and you are stuck with it? It doesn’t matter whether it is a job, a relationship, a marriage, or something else, the bottom line is a situation with disaster written all over it and you aren’t sure what is going to happen. Are you going to crash and burn? Maybe you can’t see a way out, but God can. When all else is going wrong, and a negative ending seems inevitable, asking God for His help should not be the last resort, but if often is. That is when God can reach out a hand and hold you up, guide you to a better place, so that you do have a safer ending, and stand by to help you figure out the next fork and the direction you should take.
The 1943 hit song was about a plane and crew surviving with the hand of God helping them. How about you? Do ask for His help up front or do you just wait until you have a problem or are in trouble to ask God for His help? God is always there for you, to hold you up in the dark times and help you make the right choices, to choose the correct fork in the road, during the better times. Always remember that
God is your eternal partner, always there, whether bidden or unbidden. Lift up your problems and your victories to Him. Call on Him in time of need and allow Him to guide you to a safe destination and a safe landing.
What do you do in these times? Do you just wing it? Whether it is large or small, you have to make a career decision. Are you going to “wing” it and hope for the best, or are you going to add a second wing, a second engine, God’s help, so you can fly to the right path and the best destination?
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Hearing The Whistle
I grew up in an age when there were no cell phones or pagers and each house had only one phone line. There may have been extensions in different rooms, but only one call could happen at a time. We could play outside and around the neighborhood, but we had to tell our parents where we going and who we were with. Since there wasn’t an easy way to reach us, when we were given a time to be home, we were expected to be there at that time. In those days, it was safe to play anywhere in the neighborhood. If I wanted to go to the store or to a movie with friends, I just had to let my mom or dad know first, but I had to let them know and be back on time.
If I was out in the neighborhood and my dad wanted me to come home, he just stuck a pair of fingers in his mouth and whistled. That whistle was loud enough and shrill enough that I could hear it from one end of the block to the other, whether I was outside or in someone’s house. He had a unique sound and pattern to his whistle so there was never a doubt that it came from him.
To this day, I remember hearing him whistle for me in a particular instance. I was 14 years old and had gone to a girl’s house. We were sitting in her backyard talking and I heard him whistle. I realized I had not paid attention to the time and it was suppertime. I said my goodbye’s and headed home. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but it was a long way away. A couple of years later when I was driving, I measured the distance and it was about a mile and a half from my house to her house. Now my dad’s whistle was loud and carried a long way, but the likelihood of actually hearing that whistle was very small. He did in fact whistle that day, but I must have heard it in my head instead of in my ears.
Down through the years, I have heard other calls and whistles. Sometimes I responded and sometimes I ignored them. In either case, sometimes my answers, or non-answers, led me into good things and some things that were not so good. As I look back over the years, I can see different forks in different roads, all of which brought me to where I am today. The good roads were when I listened to God’s whistle and went to see what He had in mind. The others were like the ancient siren’s song of a long-ago epic tale that led men to their destruction. I have followed both the whistle and the song of the siren. I have reaped the good and the bad.
I still hear that whistle from time to time. Lately, I hear it very faintly, calling me to go and do. I am still trying to determine the direction and the purpose. Perhaps it is to put these words on paper for you to read, to cause you to think and feel and listen.
The bible tells us that God does not go around making loud noises so we will hear Him and pay attention. Instead, He speaks in the softest of voices, expecting us to hear Him. And maybe, just maybe, when He thinks we are too busy with whatever is occupying us at the moment, He just whistles to get our attention so we can hear His message of the moment. So, if you find yourself all wrapped up in life, listen not only for God’s word, but also for the whistle. Maybe He is calling you to join in His son’s Supper.
If I was out in the neighborhood and my dad wanted me to come home, he just stuck a pair of fingers in his mouth and whistled. That whistle was loud enough and shrill enough that I could hear it from one end of the block to the other, whether I was outside or in someone’s house. He had a unique sound and pattern to his whistle so there was never a doubt that it came from him.
To this day, I remember hearing him whistle for me in a particular instance. I was 14 years old and had gone to a girl’s house. We were sitting in her backyard talking and I heard him whistle. I realized I had not paid attention to the time and it was suppertime. I said my goodbye’s and headed home. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but it was a long way away. A couple of years later when I was driving, I measured the distance and it was about a mile and a half from my house to her house. Now my dad’s whistle was loud and carried a long way, but the likelihood of actually hearing that whistle was very small. He did in fact whistle that day, but I must have heard it in my head instead of in my ears.
Down through the years, I have heard other calls and whistles. Sometimes I responded and sometimes I ignored them. In either case, sometimes my answers, or non-answers, led me into good things and some things that were not so good. As I look back over the years, I can see different forks in different roads, all of which brought me to where I am today. The good roads were when I listened to God’s whistle and went to see what He had in mind. The others were like the ancient siren’s song of a long-ago epic tale that led men to their destruction. I have followed both the whistle and the song of the siren. I have reaped the good and the bad.
I still hear that whistle from time to time. Lately, I hear it very faintly, calling me to go and do. I am still trying to determine the direction and the purpose. Perhaps it is to put these words on paper for you to read, to cause you to think and feel and listen.
The bible tells us that God does not go around making loud noises so we will hear Him and pay attention. Instead, He speaks in the softest of voices, expecting us to hear Him. And maybe, just maybe, when He thinks we are too busy with whatever is occupying us at the moment, He just whistles to get our attention so we can hear His message of the moment. So, if you find yourself all wrapped up in life, listen not only for God’s word, but also for the whistle. Maybe He is calling you to join in His son’s Supper.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Don't Mess With...
For the benefit of you who don’t know me, I am a Texan and I am proud to be one of the chosen few who call Texas home. We are a very friendly state and invite all visitors, people like you, to come visit us and enjoy the wide variety of landscape and cities and all manner of things, sights and sounds and fun things to do or experience.
One of the things we are proud of is our network of highways, streets and roads throughout the state. You can’t drive anywhere in Texas without eventually seeing a yellow sign that reads, “Don’t Mess With Texas”. These signs were part of a campaign against the litter that people were throwing out of their cars instead of throwing away. Over time, it has taken on a broader meaning as well. It now includes respecting our state, our people and our ways. We are a proud people and we have a rich history. We will never forget we were once an independent country, the Republic of Texas, from 1836 to 1845, when we annexed the United States. Being the courteous people we are, we have always allowed them to think it was the other way around.
We pretty much believe in solving our own problems ourselves without a lot of outside help. When we do need help, we call upon the law. It may come in the form of a modern police officer or it could be a local sheriff in a small town. Either way, we know we always have a backup when the problems get too large.
As Christians, we also have help whenever we need it. That helps comes in the form of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Instead of a badge on His chest, he wears a hole in His side, the reminder of a Roman lance that pierced Him. He doesn’t pack a pair of .45’s slung around His hips; He has holes in His hands, holes that were put there by Romans who drove nails through them to hang Him on the cross. He doesn’t need cowboy boots; He has holes in His feet, where nails pierced to hold Him on that cross. He is our ultimate weapon and He is always there for us.
As you drive through your life, whether your paths are major highways or just small county roads, watch out for the one who wants to litter your way with evil and destruction. When you encounter the enemy and he trying to litter your way, then it is time to call on the Lawman who is always there. You have your own sign to plant along the road. It is not a rectangular sign on a post with words; it is a rugged cross, stained with the blood of an innocent victim. The message to the devil is clear: “Don’t Mess With Me, devil, because I have the law on my side.”
One of the things we are proud of is our network of highways, streets and roads throughout the state. You can’t drive anywhere in Texas without eventually seeing a yellow sign that reads, “Don’t Mess With Texas”. These signs were part of a campaign against the litter that people were throwing out of their cars instead of throwing away. Over time, it has taken on a broader meaning as well. It now includes respecting our state, our people and our ways. We are a proud people and we have a rich history. We will never forget we were once an independent country, the Republic of Texas, from 1836 to 1845, when we annexed the United States. Being the courteous people we are, we have always allowed them to think it was the other way around.
We pretty much believe in solving our own problems ourselves without a lot of outside help. When we do need help, we call upon the law. It may come in the form of a modern police officer or it could be a local sheriff in a small town. Either way, we know we always have a backup when the problems get too large.
As Christians, we also have help whenever we need it. That helps comes in the form of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Instead of a badge on His chest, he wears a hole in His side, the reminder of a Roman lance that pierced Him. He doesn’t pack a pair of .45’s slung around His hips; He has holes in His hands, holes that were put there by Romans who drove nails through them to hang Him on the cross. He doesn’t need cowboy boots; He has holes in His feet, where nails pierced to hold Him on that cross. He is our ultimate weapon and He is always there for us.
As you drive through your life, whether your paths are major highways or just small county roads, watch out for the one who wants to litter your way with evil and destruction. When you encounter the enemy and he trying to litter your way, then it is time to call on the Lawman who is always there. You have your own sign to plant along the road. It is not a rectangular sign on a post with words; it is a rugged cross, stained with the blood of an innocent victim. The message to the devil is clear: “Don’t Mess With Me, devil, because I have the law on my side.”
Sunday, February 1, 2015
The Marriage Bowl
It is the month of December and you know what that means, right? If you are a football fan, that means the professional season in winding down and the college bowl season is getting ready to start. Almost every day there is a bowl game someplace, with new ones getting started every year. There are the familiar names, like the Rose, Orange, Sugar, and Cotton. We now have bowls with the names of big companies and more plants, like Poinsettia.
What does it take to have the winning team at the final gun of a bowl game? The answers are many but it all boils down to a couple of factors: teamwork and luck. There isn't much that can be done to control luck, good or bad, other than to take advantage of it when it flows your way. There is much that can be done with teamwork. Constant practice on the fundamentals, day after day, even when you have done your part countless times. It is easy to point to the quarterback with the rifle arm, the receiver with hands like glue and running back with wings on his feet and have them stand out as the heros of the day. What we all ignore is the efforts of the linemen, the center, guards, and tackles, who hold back the attacking defenders, open holes for that running back, and make the plays that lead to points on the board. It also takes the efforts of all of the defenders, on the line and in the backfield, to prevent the other team from scoring. Of course, there is the head coach who holds it all together, whose game plan can win or lose the day.
We have all seen it come apart just as easily. It is the player who starts to believe in his own greatness, who puts himself above the needs of the team as a whole, that leads to a downfall and that critical loss. He doesn't see the need to practice as hard as he once did or be in as good a condition as he was on his rise to fame and greatness. Regardless of the position he plays, it can all come down to one team player who stops being a team player, to bring down disaster.
We can apply the above scenario to just about any part of life, from personal to professional. In this case, I am going to apply it to marriage. It may be really obvious where I am going, but sometimes getting back to the basics can shed some new light on things, so here it comes.
When we first get married, we really do not know what we are getting into. We think we do, but in reality it is like getting to the first days of training. We don't know all of the plays and we really don't know the full depth of the two players. That marriage license is really just a license to learn. As the days, months, and years go by, we get better at what we are doing. We find out the actual strengths and weaknesses and how to turn them to the advantage of the marriage. Notice I said "the advantage of the marriage", not of either spouse. This is, after all, about teamwork, not I-work. Remember the old cliche about there being no "I" in "TEAM"? This is most important in terms of your marriage. Each of us has a role to play in the marriage, but the thing to remember is those roles aren't necessarily fixed or rigid. Each of us has to be more of a utility player, one who can play any of several positions depending on the circumstances.
Sometimes, unfortunately, one of the players in the marriage thinks that his or her position is more important and starts to treat the other spouse like a less-important partner. Like the self-important football player and the results on the team's performance, this spouse's pride or actions actually starts doing harm and begins turning a winning season into one that is mediocre and lacking in excitment and luster. As team members, we all want to have a winning season, an undefeated season. Which of us would be satisfied with a 50% winning season? None of us, that is for sure. The spouse who loses focus on the whole of the marriage and focuses on himself or herself is just setting the team up for a losing season. If it goes on long enough, it becomes a completely losing season and we all know what can come next, and often does.
Where are you in your marriage? What kind of team player are you?
One person I have not really mentioned is the coach. When a football team starts to fall apart and the players are not playing as a team, it is the coach's job to pull everyone aside and make sure everyone knows the rules and the goals. He will pull out the playbook and go back to basics and see that everyone reads it. He makes sure, also, that the players know it takes more than reading the playbook to get the job done; it also takes constant practice. Just so, we have a marriage coach, God. We have his playbook, the bible. We also have his assistant coaches, the various ministers who have chosen to do his work. Together, they will help to guide us, shape us, and make certain we know just what we need to do to be winners.
At the end of the professional football season, we have the Super Bowl, a spectical of tremendous energy and celebration. God's Super Bowl is also full of celebration for those couples who play the game to the end and come out winners. He is waiting for us, his winners, to take that celebratory tickertape parade down that sparkling street of gold. It is up to us, all of us who are married, to study the playbook, do the practice, and execute the plan. Who doesn't want to be the winner in God's Marriage Super Bowl? Think of the prize that awaits us!
What does it take to have the winning team at the final gun of a bowl game? The answers are many but it all boils down to a couple of factors: teamwork and luck. There isn't much that can be done to control luck, good or bad, other than to take advantage of it when it flows your way. There is much that can be done with teamwork. Constant practice on the fundamentals, day after day, even when you have done your part countless times. It is easy to point to the quarterback with the rifle arm, the receiver with hands like glue and running back with wings on his feet and have them stand out as the heros of the day. What we all ignore is the efforts of the linemen, the center, guards, and tackles, who hold back the attacking defenders, open holes for that running back, and make the plays that lead to points on the board. It also takes the efforts of all of the defenders, on the line and in the backfield, to prevent the other team from scoring. Of course, there is the head coach who holds it all together, whose game plan can win or lose the day.
We have all seen it come apart just as easily. It is the player who starts to believe in his own greatness, who puts himself above the needs of the team as a whole, that leads to a downfall and that critical loss. He doesn't see the need to practice as hard as he once did or be in as good a condition as he was on his rise to fame and greatness. Regardless of the position he plays, it can all come down to one team player who stops being a team player, to bring down disaster.
We can apply the above scenario to just about any part of life, from personal to professional. In this case, I am going to apply it to marriage. It may be really obvious where I am going, but sometimes getting back to the basics can shed some new light on things, so here it comes.
When we first get married, we really do not know what we are getting into. We think we do, but in reality it is like getting to the first days of training. We don't know all of the plays and we really don't know the full depth of the two players. That marriage license is really just a license to learn. As the days, months, and years go by, we get better at what we are doing. We find out the actual strengths and weaknesses and how to turn them to the advantage of the marriage. Notice I said "the advantage of the marriage", not of either spouse. This is, after all, about teamwork, not I-work. Remember the old cliche about there being no "I" in "TEAM"? This is most important in terms of your marriage. Each of us has a role to play in the marriage, but the thing to remember is those roles aren't necessarily fixed or rigid. Each of us has to be more of a utility player, one who can play any of several positions depending on the circumstances.
Sometimes, unfortunately, one of the players in the marriage thinks that his or her position is more important and starts to treat the other spouse like a less-important partner. Like the self-important football player and the results on the team's performance, this spouse's pride or actions actually starts doing harm and begins turning a winning season into one that is mediocre and lacking in excitment and luster. As team members, we all want to have a winning season, an undefeated season. Which of us would be satisfied with a 50% winning season? None of us, that is for sure. The spouse who loses focus on the whole of the marriage and focuses on himself or herself is just setting the team up for a losing season. If it goes on long enough, it becomes a completely losing season and we all know what can come next, and often does.
Where are you in your marriage? What kind of team player are you?
One person I have not really mentioned is the coach. When a football team starts to fall apart and the players are not playing as a team, it is the coach's job to pull everyone aside and make sure everyone knows the rules and the goals. He will pull out the playbook and go back to basics and see that everyone reads it. He makes sure, also, that the players know it takes more than reading the playbook to get the job done; it also takes constant practice. Just so, we have a marriage coach, God. We have his playbook, the bible. We also have his assistant coaches, the various ministers who have chosen to do his work. Together, they will help to guide us, shape us, and make certain we know just what we need to do to be winners.
At the end of the professional football season, we have the Super Bowl, a spectical of tremendous energy and celebration. God's Super Bowl is also full of celebration for those couples who play the game to the end and come out winners. He is waiting for us, his winners, to take that celebratory tickertape parade down that sparkling street of gold. It is up to us, all of us who are married, to study the playbook, do the practice, and execute the plan. Who doesn't want to be the winner in God's Marriage Super Bowl? Think of the prize that awaits us!
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