The Sniper

Most of us know what a sniper is: a highly skilled rifleman who specializes in single shot kills at sometimes incredible distances. This became part of our attention in 2012 when Chris Kyle, the top American sniper, was killed at a gun range by someone he was trying to help. Before his death, Kyle wrote a book about his accomplishments, “American Sniper”, which has been on the Best Seller list and later into a movie. While we are all familiar with this definition of sniper, it is not the only one.

The root word, of course, is snipe and one meaning is to act as a sniper. Another meaning has nothing to do with the exercise of marksmanship. A snipe is also a long-billed marsh bird. Many naïve people have been lured into “snipe hunts”, running around in the dark at the mercy of their friends trying to find and catch one of these birds. The typical snipe hunt involves making the hapless victim look foolish and it is usually quite successful.

A much lesser known definition of a sniper is a person who takes verbal shots at people with the intent to hurt them, embarrass them, or insult them in such a way as to make feel less about themselves, and in the eyes of others. We have all been victims of this at one time or another and many of us have been the sniper. A spur of the moment wisecrack, not done intentionally, can certainly hurt the intended victim. It is not that which I am addressing. The sniping which I am discussing is that which is intentional, frequent, and malicious. They’re just little zingers thrown out with the intent to hurt. It may be done privately or publicly. In either case, it is not an innocent remark or criticism.

Imagine the husband who, in front of family or friends, makes a cutting comment about his wife’s weight, the way she keeps house, her penchant for always running behind time. Not only does this embarrass his wife, but also everyone else in the room. He doesn’t realize it, but it lowers his esteem, the opinion that others have of him. Or perhaps it is the wife who goes after her husband on similar issues such as weight, tardiness, his inability to make enough money, at least in her opinion, or any of a variety of issues. Such remarks, whether delivered around others or in private, cannot help but chip away at the walls of a marriage. It is simply a matter of time before one of those walls falls. Like any other fortress, once a wall crumbles under such a verbal attack, the Enemy has a chance to enter and continue the destruction of the marriage.

Perhaps I have just described you, either as the sniper or the victim. If the former, what are you getting out of your actions? What pleasure does this bring to you to intentionally attack the one person in the world you are supposed to love the most? Is this the marriage that Jesus intended you to have? When God lead you to this person, the one with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life, the one you promised to love and cherish, is this the guidance He gave? If you are the sniper, then it is time to change the way you are treating your spouse. It may take a lot of God’s help, pastoral counseling, and time on your knees to change. The Bible tells us that husbands are supposed to love their wives. Does this type of treatment really reflect that love? It also says that wives are supposed be submissive to their husbands, with the real meaning being they should support their husbands. Does treating him this way show support?

If, instead, you are the victim, you have a tough decision to make: put up with it or try to change it or leave. Most of the time the victim-spouse chooses the first option, willing to put up with it for the sake of the marriage, whether there are children or not. The rationalization is that the rest of the marriage is worth the pain of the sniping. Trying to change it requires taking a risk that your efforts may further damage the marriage or even end it. Or, it could lead to the resurrection of the marriage and put it on the road to being the wonderful and healthy marriage that God meant it to be. That effort, whether through professional counseling, pastoral counseling or prayerful confrontation and communication, will be difficult, at times painful, but well worth it in the end.

If you are the sniper, then seek God’s help to stop shooting. If the victim, then seek God’s help to stop being the target. In the end, either way, you will need God’s grace and your resolution to turn destructive behavior into success. It is under your control.