Ephesians 5:22-33
The first sentence is: “Wives, be submissive to your husbands.” Now, guys, before you jump to the wrong conclusion and tell your wife, “Honey, this guy says you have to obey me in order for us to be happy”, I must tell you that is not what it says. There is a lot of difference between being submissive and obeying. In this case, being submissive means something else entirely, and it has to do with traditional or stereotypical roles. Whether they work outside the home or not, wives typically have the role of running the household. They are usually in charge of seeing that it is clean, the kids fed and educated, and that everything runs smoothly and on time. While husbands are expected to help out with many of the tasks associated with these duties, the wives are, in fact, in charge. Regardless of how long and how hard they work at it, husbands just don’t always see dusty shelves, floors that need vacuuming, or hear kids with a problem. They may get better at it over time, but they don’t come by it naturally. So, in order to prevent chaos, someone has to be in charge, someone who can see all the puzzle’s parts, and that someone is the lady of the house, the queen of the castle, the wife.
Husbands, on the other hand, have the responsibility for handling everything outside of the home, including having a good job, planning for the future, providing the food and shelter, making sure the yard work is done and the cars are running, and keeping the lions and tigers (otherwise known as bill collectors) away from the castle gate. One of the big responsibilities is providing financial security, which can mean everything from planning the next vacation, to having enough money to send the kids to college, to retirement. Where conflicts can arise is when the wife takes her normal tendency to run things in the home and moves it into the husband’s area of responsibility. This is where “being submissive” comes in. Wives, it doesn’t mean you don’t get to have your say; in fact, it is a dumb husband who doesn’t seek his wife’s wise counsel and advice. It just means let him have the final say in his areas of responsibility, letting him take care of the family unit. After all, that is just what he promised you he would do when you got married, didn’t he? Make him the king of the castle, and he will treat you like the queen you want to be. Or, you can tell him over and over how to do it your way until he does, and then deal with your frustration caused by his weak leadership, or until he gives the whole job of family leadership to you. If you succeed at getting him to do it your way consistently, don’t complain that he doesn’t show the leadership at home that he shows on the job. Husbands, your responsibility is to lead, and lead wisely. Make sure you do it well.
The second sentence is: “Husbands, love your wives.” This sounds like another no-brainer, doesn’t it? Don’t you tell her you love her at least once a day, get her a card and present for her birthday, and remember to take her out to dinner on your anniversary? Well, there is more to it than that, husbands. Loving your wife means putting her first, putting her needs before yours. Her bottom-line needs are to feel secure, safe, needed, and loved. Loving you is something that just comes naturally to your wife; it is part of “taking care of the household and everything in it.” You, with your external focus, have a tendency to not focus on what is inside the house, but to focus on yourself and the outside. What do you do when you first see her when you come in from work? Loving her means going up to
her first and giving her a quick hug and kiss before you ask about supper or start watching television. If you meet her somewhere, for instance a get-together with friends, then giving her a quick squeeze and a peck before saying hello to your friends gives her a simple message: It says, “I love you and you are more important than anyone or anything else here.” Is your excuse for not doing so, “That just isn’t me”? Or, do you say, “I can’t say, ‘I love you’ in public. It makes me feel uncomfortable.” If that is the case, then it is time for you to change that part of you, right now! It is time to put “macho” aside and become a whole man, one who isn’t afraid to show his wife, and the whole world, just how important she really is to you.
Beyond these obvious ways, loving your wife can also be as simple as getting up and going to the store at night when she asks you to go instead of waiting until your favorite television show is over (and having to be reminded because you forgot), and then buying her a single rose instead of getting that sports magazine for yourself. It can be making sure she has some cash in her billfold without her having to ask for it. It can mean noticing that she is tired and, even though you are also tired, taking care of the nightly kitchen chores, or giving her that foot rub or back rub you were about to ask her to do. It may mean taking the money for your new computer or SUV and putting it into the retirement fund or paying down a credit card, or taking her to a Bed & Breakfast for the weekend. It means loving your wife more than you love yourself, in ways both big and small. And that isn’t always easy, is it? Guys, it will pay dividends. If she feels loved and secure, then she will take care of her most important part of the household: you. That can mean telling you to take some time to go do your hobby, or not interrupting you when you are taking some time for yourself, or any number of other ways that she can make sure you are happy. It is an old, but true, cliché that says, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” One more thing: you do these things for her because you love her, not to find out what YOU can get out of it. Remember, your focus is on her, not on yourself.
They are just two simple sentences, but if you live them, they set up a circle of power in a marriage that can withstand anything that threatens it, whether from within or without. Wives want love and security, and are willing to take care of their share of the responsibilities of running the household, including their husband’s needs. Husbands want to be looked up to as the leader of the family, to be in charge of taking care of it, and protecting it. They are also willing to do their part of the responsibilities, including taking care of their wife’s needs, which means loving her above all else. When wives allow their husbands to be the leader, and husbands give their wives love and security, the results are truly, wonderfully awesome!
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