The Chief Cause

Those of you who were around in the early 1960’s will remember a singer/songwriter who came on the music scene named Roger Miller. He treated us to such songs as “King of the Road”, “England Swings”, and “You Can’t Rollerskate In A Buffalo Herd”. Among the whimsical and amusing songs was one with a serious message to it, “Husbands and Wives”.  That song, “Husband and Wives”, released on an album in 1966, discussed a growing social trend, one which has continued to affect our society and generate countless studies: divorce. The words tells us about,

“Two broken hearts, lonely looking like houses where nobody lives.

Two people each having so much pride inside, neither side forgives.

The angry words spoken in haste, such a waste of two lives.

It’s my belief

Pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives.”

It is that last line that was Miller’s concern, just as true now as it was then, and likely has always been
and will be for a long time to come.

There is nothing wrong with pride. It is an emotion which is one of God’s gifts to us. It helps us to look at the tasks and actions which we perform and do the best we can. Pride is our motivation, our reward for doing it right, doing it well. It is the abuse of that emotion that causes problems. Proverbs 16:18 is often summarized as, “Pride goes before the fall.” The full quote is “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” That is why it is often included in the list called “The Seven Deadly Sins.”

Pride. Digging one’s heels in and maintaining that position even when the facts indicate it is time to
start lifting those feet and start moving towards a solution or compromise, is the creation of a problem, the point in time when it starts. None of us likes to admit it when we are wrong or have made a mistake. For some, realizing we are wrong and admitting it, is normal. It gives us a chance to apologize or ask forgiveness. Unfortunately, there are others of us who will do almost anything to avoid admitting we are wrong. It doesn’t matter if it is something small, like debating the accuracy of a memory of something minor in the past, or something bigger, like missing an important appointment or not paying a bill on time. It is the stubborn insistence that we are right regardless of who we have to insult or hurt in our insistence. It is what comes next that hurts the most. That happens when we find out we are wrong and don’t apologize, don’t admit we were wrong, and worse, figure out some way to make the other person still be wrong on some side issue.

When we do that in a marriage, we are setting the stage for nothing short of real trouble. It is a pattern
of behavior, a habit of acting or reacting to something that happens. Living with the same person day
after day leads to habits. Some are good. Some, like letting negative pride rule your side of the
marriage, are destructive and can only lead in one direction. If that is your habit, you can change it, but only if you want to do so. The alternative is to live in the land of strife, with your spouse constantly on guard against you, wondering when the next pride attack is going to occur. Now, isn’t that a wonderful way to have a happy marriage? The ultimate negative pride is believing you can change by yourself without help. You need a partner, someone with infinite patience who will be there and help you change. Can you think of someone better than the God you made you? Can you set your foolish pride aside long enough to ask Jesus to be there with you during your struggle to stop misusing pride?

Be proud of yourself, your spouse, your children, your job, and most of all your belief in God and His son who came to teach us how to live our lives in the way that He intended. Or, you can let negative pride rule your life, and, if you are married, ruin that which God put together.

Roger Miller was right when wrote and sang these words:

“Pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives.”

Now it is up to you to decide. Are you going to be the cause of the decline or are you going to be the cause of the climb?